† Begin Again †

If you know anything about growth, then you know it can be painful. My one word for 2020 was growth. Let me tell you, I grew in ways I never knew possible, and I still have more growing to do. 2020 was also a year of loss for me. At one point I realized I got caught up in all the things I thought I wanted and was ready for and I lost myself. I lost the person who I found the fall of 2019. The girl that was so happy because she was finally pursing herself instead of meaningless short term flings of happiness. I loss a failing relationship I had with my father, as I finally decided to set boundaries and take care of myself by cutting him completely out of my life. I loss my uncle to a heart attack in October.

But with all the loss that happened this year, toward the end of November and through December… I slowly began to find myself again. There were things I thought I wanted that were more just distractions to keep myself from working through the things not working in my life, which just added to the chaos and stress. I spent many nights talking to my bestie, my person just trying to sort through my emotions and all the crap I was going through. I will be the first to admit that I am great at deflecting and using my sarcasm and snarkiness to avoid the things I want to avoid, but that is not healthy or helpful in the long run.

I titled this blog begin again, because that is what I intend to do, along with therapy, I plan to put in the effort to pursue myself again. How will I do this? My goal is to work through a self-love book and to make sure I do some form of self-care for at least 15 minutes a day minimum. I want to take myself out on dates, finding new places to explore, and things that make me smile. I am dedicating 2021 to myself. This year is going to be about growing and empowering myself and finding true happiness that I once had and let go of. My other goal to work toward this, is to blog at least three times a week. This is more for me just to have a space to write about my childhood, my present, and all the things I enjoy in between.  Here’s to the year of learning to truly and genuinely finding and loving myself.