† Creating Happiness †

Three and half years ago I left my marriage. It was amicable, we decided that we didn’t want our child growing up in a toxic environment. After I left my ex, I realized I had a lot of healing I needed to do, however, I wasn’t sure where to start. The that was healing needed, came from years of childhood trauma and hurts. The first two years were rough, and healing seemed impossible. I fought depression, struggled with my self-worth, put myself in situations that intensified my depression and lowered my perception of my self-worth. I did not value myself as worthy of love from others in any form. I became quite the hermit and I never wanted to get attached to people in any way. When Covid hit, I realized just how lonely I was and how I had isolated myself from almost everyone. b3324135-9d6a-4e4c-9e3d-d87d540616deI knew I needed a change, but how do you find this change in the middle of a pandemic? I started out small. I spent a lot of time outside in the fresh air with my kiddo. We took walks at the county park, had water gun fights in the yard, I introduced him to almost every sport possible in toddler size. We had so much fun in 2020. We even took a trip in the Upper Peninsula. Some things were closed down but we were still able to see quite a bit of scenery and nature. We got to visit lots of different lighthouses and we checked out a few waterfalls. It is always a good time watching Gabe explore and experience new things. The joy he has on his face brings so much peace to my mama heart. I knew it was time to get serious and really figure out how to work on my healing journey at this point. Continue reading “† Creating Happiness †”

† I Am Worthy of Healing †

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Today, I had some time, so I went back and read through the captions on my Instagram photos. I started this Instagram account in October of 2019. In the past couple of years, I have had few ups and downs. They say that healing isn’t linear, and I can attest to that, there are days when I feel on top of the world and days where I’m not even sure I can make it out of bed. There are times when I overflow with self-love, self-worth, and my self-confidence is on fire. Then there are the days where I am self-loathing, self-depreciating, and I don’t believe I have any worth.

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† Breakthroughs †

|It’s okay, to not be okay|
|It’s okay, to cut toxic people out of your life|
|It’s okay, to be happy again|
|It’s okay, to have bad days|
|It’s okay, to go wild with your friends|
|It’s okay, to fail|
|It’s okay, to try again|
|It’s okay, if you don’t like yourself sometimes|
|It’s okay, to be human|
|It’s okay, to put yourself first|

|It’s okay, to need help|
|It’s okay, to feel pain|
|It’s okay, love yourself|

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† Know Your Truth †

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If you know me, then you know I am a big advocate for mental health. I am always willing to listen to people and help them find the resources they need to get help. I know how important mental health can be and yet it has taken me a long time to stop avoiding and deflecting my problems and to finally take that step to go to therapy and work through problems I have that have stemmed back through childhood. I will be honest part of the reason it took me so long, was because for the longest time I did not think I would really have much to talk about with my therapist. There are times in my life when I am really good at being in denial and believe that I am fine and everything is going fine and then there are days, when I am not even sure I am working at any type of healthy mindset.  

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† Begin Again †

If you know anything about growth, then you know it can be painful. My one word for 2020 was growth. Let me tell you, I grew in ways I never knew possible, and I still have more growing to do. 2020 was also a year of loss for me. At one point I realized I got caught up in all the things I thought I wanted and was ready for and I lost myself. I lost the person who I found the fall of 2019. The girl that was so happy because she was finally pursing herself instead of meaningless short term flings of happiness. I loss a failing relationship I had with my father, as I finally decided to set boundaries and take care of myself by cutting him completely out of my life. I loss my uncle to a heart attack in October.

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